Well it's finally come the time for my second scan about 16 months after the 1st one...

I'm in total agony here today was the second time since I started working for EB Games 15 months ago that I gulled up the courage to call in sick because of the cramps and the inability to get out of bed.

I was nearly hugging the toliet last night I was that sick from cramps. Very rare do I get the urge to vomit while PMS and I was near tears in pain last night while Jubei sat by and rubbed my back.

She's going to meet me tomorrow after the scan. To see how I go. I've promised Doku and Kami I'll send them a text after I get out... he appointment can take up to 90 mins... and I'm going please be a female doctor, please be a female doctor!

Currently I've pretty much taken so many pain killers over the past two days that I feel like I've stoned myself stupid and gorged myself on Kou Doku stuff to keep my mind off it and entertained.

Today I've kept my busy in the Ikkou ARP because I wanted to. Felt I needed to because face it I'm shit scared. I tried to call up today to cancel my scan because as I so bluntly put it to Jubei, 'they take a dildo looking camera and shove up my twat'. I'm PMSing so I wanted to cancel. The lady over the phone went "Oh but this is the perfect time because we can catch it at work! I know is a bit disgusting and degrading for you but understand it is the best time. It's best you come to this appointment."

So I'm going =////////= apparently...

In other news my brother's shipment of stuff came in... soooooo I got my Cloud and Vincent Figures. Cloud doesn't move though... but he is oiginal FF7 game Cloud and Vincent is AC Vinnie so that's pretty awesome <3

Then my brother started being a righteous little shit today moving shit from the garage to make room for his shit and he tried dumping it in MY room while I'm curled up round my laptop and kitty in agony I had a go at him the then booted him out and baracadded the door for three hours and cranked that Livvi Franc 'now I'm that bitch' song appropiate for my mood swings. While chatting to the crew on The Kami Springer Show.

After the grrrness died own my brother decided it would be funny to give me four lovely JD stick on Tattoo's knowing JD are my initials... what am I gong to do with Jack Daniel fake tattoos? Then I ended up having a room invasion with my brother and mother... My mother telling me since I'm in pain that she'll take me to the hospital tomorrow so I gave her $25 for the fuel and have $10 for the metro card so I can bus home. I don't want her hanging around waiting for me. She has other things she needs to do and I'd rather not face my family straight after this scan. I don't think I want to see or talk to anyone but Jubei made it clear she wants to pop by after work to check on me <3 to you honey thx.

I have the week off work at least til Friday when I'm doing Show Day close with Sam... I always find him soooo entertaining he's intent on wanting to hook me up with one of his friends... and I'm going I won't date Kiwi guys and he's pretty much "but kiwi girls?" and I'm like "Yeah... kiwi girls are fine." So who knows... lol told him I want to go to Yaoi Con next year and he telling me I have to go to Yuri con next lol a totally entertaining fellow to work with... just me and him for 6 hours on Friday... I grabbed the following Friday off for the weeding well the morning but the early evening we got a b'day to attend both me and mum... and it's a spiritual thing so I can't really pull out of that *clasps hands together in apology* Sorry but morning and day is fine you too I'll be there... I'm going to see if I can pay for Angeal to come up for it... looked at flights $84 each way with infant just incase she has to bring bubs. She'll hopefully be up for a week I'll try and get her up the wed week.

All in all I'm busy as trying to get stuff sorted for work and the upcoming x-mas season... yay for me x______X

Got one pic left in the Meme and it's going to be the best and lol worthy one <3<3 Angeal and Zack in all stupidness awesome I'm going to love it!

Anyways rant is over.

Well had my appointment today at the hospital for my endometriosis stuff... the guy was nice but I hope like hell he DOESN'T do my scan...

Anyways the verdict 8 weeks time I go in for a scan, and then he sorts out when the surgery will be from there on out... so I get those little things cut out of me while they put some whatever inside to wipe out what they miss...

all in all it will probably set me back $400

sooooo gotta save gotta save!

I had blood tests today... and then had to go off to work and because I've been sick and only able to eat soft foods cause of my throat I was a little dizzy more so than my normal ditzy red headed self... So I'm really exhausted and tired and my left arm is completely DEAD @_@

I got home managed to talk to a couple of peeps online before the tireness and fatigue set in... but when I woke up OMG I went Goku on any and everything I'm finally able to eat again!!! It still hurts but not to the point where it's totally unbearable so long as I drink something afterwards the scratchy feeling goes away so YAY!

Road to recovery! and three days off work wooo <3<3<3


Y! Meme progress

For those folowing me here and on Y just so you know how far through I am

1.) Cloud with a ferret - Omoide [COMPLETE]
2.) Reno Zack making out - Xenobia [COMPLETE]
3.) Dorian Turk OC - SakuraJubei [COMPLETE]
4.) Edgeworth/Maya from Phoenix Wright (DA ONLY PIC) - Myuhime [COMPLETE]
5.) Kadaj / Reno - sweetseme [COMPLETE]
6.) Kadaj / Rufus - sekseedragoness [COMPLETE]
7.) Goku and a piggy - (saiyuki Goku) [DA request] [in sketch stage]
8.) Kami-sama and Shien having tea - Sanzoskitten
9.) Kougaiji in heels - sekseedragoness
10.) Angeal entering Zack in a dog show - SGTIchigo


Upcoming pieces:
These will be attempted after the Meme is comlete
not in any order just really in the order of inspiration...

~Reno, Yazoo, Zack [pencil sketch of 1st panel out of four]
~Chibi Reeve n Zack Adventures cont'd
prt 2/ Zack wants a Subway cookie for Jubei
prt 3/ Gongaga Road Rage for Jubei
~Angeal for Grace
~Commission for Jubei = Bleach: Reni, Rukia n her OC all chibi
~THAT Guardian Manga pg 28 [restarted]
~Crisis Alliance Doujinshi pg9


Clubage:
~Voice-Actor-Whores ~AWCDB ~fan-charries-in-love ~bebop-fc ~bishounen =redheadedbishies ~RTFC ~sweetandsour ~trigun-club ~BackuRatchu *Budokai ~dbz-movie-club ~GotensGurls ~DBZ-Girls ~dragonballdeviants ~femalesaiya-jins ~girlzdbzpalace ~saiyan-army ~ClubSaiyuki ~gojyo ~saiyukilover4ever ~saiyuki-club~rp-ikkou ~Bad-Guys-of-Saiyuki ~KawaiiSaiyuki ~FF7CrisisAllianceRP

I'm admin of these clubs
(sorry for memebers of these clubs I have ben lacking due to my ups and downs in my moods)

*insert the 's brady bunch here* *flop* tooooo many to keep up with _o_

Damnit I blame the nicotine it makes me easily addicted...

But I managed today to get through a significate more episodes than I should of... but yeah...

Got asked by Grace to keep watching she's doing an original Manga and she wants some help for me to find some medieval outfits for ref pictures, and not complete medieval since KKM isn't completely...

I sent her a couple of Conrad pics via pxt cause I'm biased... lol plus past Conrad is hot... <3

Yosak makes me lol sooooooo damn much the cross dressing gets me everytime.
While watching it I realised how much Sephy my friend remnds me of Yuri's mother... her fangurling and disapointment when her child didn't have wings made me lol sooooooo hard ^^ It sounds JUST like Sephy.

and I know I've got a lost of art and fics to do and work on but I promise two days time I get my three days off... and I can get right back into it.

I just really need this money right about now... My mother is encouraging me to save for a bond for a place... and not to get caught in a fixed term.

In other news Vahan (my Godson) had his 1st b'day today er yesterday! *whips out Maes like picures for all to see!* lol j/k j/k I only have like two photos not on my computer

Also sorry I'm just really busy with work I have short days the next two days then three days off but one day will be errands as I have to mail a package on errand day (yes Sashi I have it in my possession ) and pay a couple of bills.

and monday week I go to hospital for my tests for my Endometriosis... took them a while huh? Over a year of agonizing pain for two weeks a month... you think they woulda done it faster...

Hopefully I can keep everything up to date... ^///^

Anyway my computer is about to take off and I need to be up for work in 7.5 hrs so I'll post again when I have time...

Argh I just realized I'm such a freak I have so much support out there irl and online and I just keep it all inside... You know that feeling when you've got a milliosn friends but you just feel so alone... like you see the people there know they're there but yet you feel like that ache is yours alone to burden?
I'm trying to be a bit more girly and open with my feelings... But just give me time... I try to help others and in the end I don't want to burden others with my problems with each little break down... so here goes it... my rant to get it off my chest so I can just move on.

I had a small break down last night, because I'm a slight freak I've been suffering sleeping problems leaving me up at night to just lie there trying to sleep... (I admit I haven't been around much or social since my gramps died and the dramas occurried up north and I'm truly sorry. I was just in this place that has my depression there and then not there at one moment, so I thought I was alright. Booooooy was I wrong.)

I crashed last night after talking to Grace on Msn. I wanted to vent but I just couldn't... There are some things about her that remind me alot of Cazz in a way... her crazy ideas for one lol, she sent me to bed round 10:45 and I slept 11 hours with only two wake up periods instead of the normal five I get, I woke up once at 5 then again a 9 then slept through till 10:15am. The most sleep I've gotten all week to be honest.

Today this morning I was fine went to work had a pretty cruisy day, nothing went wrong. Was working with a friend of Jubei's we (as in the staff of my store) are stealing him over x-mas from the Palms store. It was nice to talk about Buffy, Angel, Bleach with him. Other things that sorta screw my head on straight. but also made me feel very lost, he was telling me about his girlfriend's family that came over from the US and it made me want to get there oh so much sooner. All those I love incredibly are all there, yet they're wanting out and I'm wanting in lol hows that.

Anyways I was walking home a car pulled up beside me and it was Cazz's cousin and then when she pulled away in the car after we had a catch up I saw how much she looked like Cazz but she's not and the moment I got home I realized how much I miss the physical of someone... it's stupid I know but I broke down again.

I actually seriously took one look at the antidepressants I had been taking back in 97 and went "Maybe I need to get back on this stuff..." but I've got my specialist in October so I don't know what that would do to my system.
I've been suffering sever writers block and tonight I think I'm just going to vedge and go to the movies with Jubei The pehlam 1-2-3 I need me some intake of Denzel I think.

I've got a cat sitting on my ass squeaking at the door while I'm hiccuping from crying so much. I've got raccoon eyes from crying before I got to the bathroom to take off my makeup. I'm sniffling and I'm down to two smokes... because my finacial situation hasn't been flash lately. It's been down right stressful and I haven't been active in much online actually the most I've been active in is Y! what can I say yaoi is my current pick me up...
BUT the phone bill is paid and I have $5 to last me through till payday next week... I'm living on Ramen, cereal and toast yay wb Aussie diet. >.<

I will probably need to open the commissions up soon... *begging hands* someone has to think my art is actually worth something... I'll be negoatable for anything at this stage...

The reality is... I miss the physical... I've lot too much and too many people I love to death these past two years that when Cazz's one hit I closed off, threw myself into studies trying anything to ease my pain, Cazz, her mother (my second mother), both my grandfathers, I was stupid and just assumed that they would ALWAYS be around... a childs mind set that everyone lives forever... So much death makes me scared in all honesty to let anyone in to have that concern care and familiarity ripped away and then it's just you left... alone once again...

The way I was brought up was you can only rely on yourself and crying is for the weak (thx dad =.= fuck you very much too) I still have problems crying I'm trying to cry more for the things that deserve tears. But when you have a boot stomp down on you for every tear you learn the off switch very fast. The on proves to be more difficult.
Slowly my mother has been teaching me that it's okay to cry, and that even if it's the smallest thing when someone needs support, love, you give it to them, because the cosmos is kind and in return when you need it most there are those who will give you that same support and love back... shame I'm such a munter and to scared to ask for it...



Upcoming pieces:

~Reno, Yazoo, Zack = still pencil sketch of 1st panel out of four.
~Chibi Reeve n Zack Adventures cont'd
prt 2/ Zack wants a Subway cookie for Jubei
prt 3/ Gongaga Road Rage for Jubei
~Angeal for Grace
~Commission for Jubei = Bleach: Reni, Rukia n her OC all chibi

Pics for those on Y!:

Reno Zack making out
Dorian Turk OC - Jubei
Edgeworth/Maya from Phoenix Wright (DA only pic) - Myuhime
Kadaj / Reno
Kadaj / Rufus

Ugh what I wouldn't give for someone to ask me for an OC or something Saiyuki. (I need that minekura style back for my manga it works perfectly with it) at least I got Bleach and Phoenix Wright in there lol

Anyways rant over *needs another nicotine*



Clubage:
~Voice-Actor-Whores ~AWCDB ~fan-charries-in-love ~bebop-fc ~bishounen =redheadedbishies ~RTFC ~sweetandsour ~trigun-club ~BackuRatchu *Budokai ~dbz-movie-club ~GotensGurls ~DBZ-Girls ~dragonballdeviants ~femalesaiya-jins ~girlzdbzpalace ~saiyan-army ~ClubSaiyuki ~gojyo ~saiyukilover4ever ~saiyuki-club~rp-ikkou ~Bad-Guys-of-Saiyuki ~KawaiiSaiyuki ~FF7CrisisAllianceRP

I'm admin of these clubs
(sorry for memebers of these clubs I have ben lacking due to my ups and downs in my moods)

*insert the 's brady bunch here* *flop* tooooo many to keep up with _o_

Right I got a call yesterday to come into work today now it's been TWO MONTHS since they had me on a shift... I went in today found we have a new casual named Sam apparently he's not all there... n00b teasing time (has the right to been doing this over a year now), Tony whom I worked with at Gamesman four years ago is alternating between our store and the palms. Our NEW assistant Store Manager shares the same name as the assistant store manager in my last store in Darbo... so I'm like totaaaalllly confused.
Broke as fuck and Dissidia is out and I can see Jubei's psp bundle sitting outback at work T-T luckily I have mine at the palms so I won't be tooooooo tormented while I'm working...

Which is the reason for this entry my hours have picked up for the next week I'm working every second day and then Sat... so I'm not gunna need the comissions to save my ass anymore hurrah! It just cuts back on the amount of time I have to devote to my art... and Saturday week Jubei's leaving me for three weeks to go see hubby in Japan. So we're gunna cram in movie time Tuesday afternoon District 9 and Sat night (after we both finish work we're gunna head out to see Pehlam 1-2-3)

And ZOMG Inglorious Basterds totaaaaaally made me lol the intro was very typical of a WWII movie until he pulled out the oversized pipe, then when Brad Pitt showed up with lol worthy cheesy accent I adored the piss take AU. I'll buy it... hell add it to my Nazi movie collection, I think I have about 5 Nazi WWI orientated DVD's atm *not yet obsessed*

Sooo next week I'll get paid for the 4 days I'll be working this week which is better than NO days working seriously... I was about to quit because of lack of hours... and me being the good anime/game crack peddler managed to crack peddle KH I n II so now I have to find them luckily both are only about $50 NZD together. The daughter of one of my mother's friends wants them...
Crack peddling queen baby.... *always seems to unconsciously peddle random shit onto peoples*

Anyways I will get on to the Yazoo gif when I get a gap n time hopefully. I'll make an effort tonight, tomorrow after the movie and hopefully by Wed night It'll be done.

I swear EVERYTIME I go out with Jubei I get stupid Zack n Reeve chibi comic strip panel ideas... pt 3 of the adventures... Gongaga Road Rage can you imagine it *snerks* another true story except it wasn't Gongaga but the area where Jubeiand I live...

*ahems* I'll stop ranting